How to handle hearing NO
You’ve been there, I’ve been there…we’ve all been there!
There is nothing quite like hearing “no”, especially when you work in the nonprofit space.
It can do so many negative things:
Create fear of asking for anything else ever again
Plays some crazy mind tricks
Dims your confidence
Fortunately or unfortunately, in my experience, the more you hear “no” the better fundraiser you become.
Why?
Hearing “no” can force you to become a better listener, better at pitching, and become more succinct in your messaging.
But, I’m not going to lie - it can still be hard.
That’s why I recruited the help of my Rolodex members to give you some advice when it comes to hearing “no”:
Christine Preziosi | Event Producer
“Oh, this is a good one! I can be pretty headstrong so hearing no can be difficult for me. I think with nonprofits, we can hear "no" a lot when trying to build programs or raise funds because there are a lot of things in the way: money, politics, people, and so on. If I hear "no" professionally, I try to check myself: Why is this person saying no? Was I unclear about the vision? Are our values not aligned? Is this a protective boundary?
If I hear "no" and it's because a system or policy should be changed and that I should fight for my client, I will. However, if it's from a client who can't afford my rates and I can't afford to lower them at that moment, I move on because we're not the right fit at that time. Most importantly, when I hear "no" because it's a boundary to protect a client or a vendor, then I get curious, I lay out the goal and ask the question "What would you suggest we do?" More often than not, as professionals in their work, they have a great solution that I didn't think of!
Madeleine St. John | Donor Engagement
“A mentor once told me, "Rejection is protection."
Since then, I've adapted this mantra to "Rejection is DIRECTION." Fundraising and entrepreneurship have taught me that hearing "no" has much more to do with the compatibility of a collaboration than it has to do with me personally. With this perspective and an openness to rejection, "no" no longer derails me. Rather, every rejection nudges me closer to the community of donors or clients most aligned to my values and mission.”
Rebekah Grmela | Nonprofit Communications
“I handle hearing "no" by asking more questions! I firmly believe in respecting others' boundaries, but especially when you hear rejection or negative feedback in a professional setting, I've learned to lean into curiosity instead of hurt feelings. I've learned a lot by doing this; sometimes why I got a “no”, more details on why I'm not a great fit, or most often, sometimes clarification that helps me take things less personally.”
Tania Bhattacharyya | Thought Leadership
“As a recovering fundraiser, I am familiar with hearing ‘no.’ But you know what’s even worse than a ‘no?’
Silence. Either because I never asked or the person I asked has ghosted me. ‘No’ is a bridge to an ongoing relationship. “No” gives us some clues as to where that person is in their decision-making process and whether “no” is rooted in a timing issue, a pricing issue, or a misalignment of vision and values. That gives us a direction to go in, whether it’s continuing to build a relationship so that when the time is right, we’re there to support – or continuing to share the value of our offer in a variety of ways, or blessing and releasing them because we are working towards a different future.”
DeaRonda Harrison | Grant Writing
“It is very easy to get lost in the overwhelming feeling of getting told “No” and can easily lead to feeling defeated and lack of progression.
When pursuing grant opportunities, you have to take the No’s as a not right now. Let the No’s you receive fuel you and guide you to get a Yes. If you CAN get One Yes, that means you are on your way to 100 Yes.”
You can do it!”
Brittny Wilson | Strategy
“As a fundraiser, I've been trained to not hear no but rather, "not now" when donors say they aren't ready to make a gift. The goal is to not take the decision personally since we know that timing plays a large part when asking for a donation. That is a lesson I have taken with me into my new profession as a business owner. When I first started, I was plagued with imposter syndrome and worried that clients saying no to a proposal meant I was over-charging or not "worth" what I was charging.
Now that I've gained experience and self-confidence as an entrepreneur, I recognize that if a client says no it most likely means that they were not ready for that level of investment yet or it wasn't a good fit. Just like donors, clients have timing issues as well so I trust that if we're meant to work together it will happen at the right time.”
Cyndi Mayer | Grant Writing
“Hearing, 'no,' is never favorable. However, a past experience has led me to be more accepting of a 'no.' I interviewed for a job at a nonprofit organization in 2010. I so wanted this job as I had just received my Master of Public Administration (MPA) from Seton Hall University and I was eager to put my education into practice. The interview went well, but I got the time of the interview wrong and ended up arriving 30-minutes late. However, I was able to move on to the next round of interviews with the Executive Director.
Long story short, I didn't not get the job.
They said they 'went with a candidate with more grant writing experience.' How could I argue that. Five months pass and I receive an email from the VP asking if I might still be interested in the job and if so, can I meet with them for a chat. I ended up working for the organization for four years and then I moved on to work in post-secondary education. These days, I don't take a 'no' as a firm decision. I tell myself that it is the right decision for both myself and the person in the moment. I guess this type of reframing the word no.”
How do you handle hearing no?